Right now, it feels like life is nothing but one big cycle of pregnancy announcements, gender reveals, baby showers, births and birthdays….Which it is. I mean, biologically, our ultimate motivation in life is to pass on our genes so good job y’all. But the human experience can be whatever you want it to be, based on whatever you believe. If you believe your best experience involves dedicating yourself to creating and guiding little souls through this thing called life, I really hope you can do it with purpose. This is also why I had my fallopian tubes removed on purpose.
I had an elective bilateral salpingectomy one month ago. Rolling through post-op, a single fabulously cliche tear slid down my cheek marking the beginning of a new period of freedom. This is me living my best life, my values and beliefs, with purpose. To build a stronger understanding, take a look at these FAQs written by yours truly. It takes a stroke of luck to find a surgeon willing to perform an elective sterilization on a 26 year old without children or known genetic diseases/disorders. I wear this privilege like a crown. So many women throughout the world can’t access even basic health care, let alone contraception or abortion services. I have never had my reproductive rights oppressed, and I will never forget the fortune that has led me to never-motherhood.
The criticism still stings. Acquaintances don’t hesitate to produce judgement at the drop of a hat. People I’ve known for minutes still find it appropriate to tell me I don’t know what I want in life based on not wanting to be a mother. This week I went to a walk-in clinic for an antibiotic, and got 15 minutes of Stepford Wife-style passive aggression from the nurse practitioner about changing priorities -before even discussing the purpose for my visit.
The way I see it, treating women and men as equally capable of maintaining ownership of the course of their own lives should be a standard for modern society. This includes their reproductive choices. Having the right to access to various reproductive resources improves the quality of the lives of women and their children; they are healthier, better educated, and more able to pursue their personal definition of success. I don’t know many people who would argue against equality of the sexes, especially in regards to bodily integrity….But the same people still make patronizing comments, they criticise, they dig. They are so uncomfortable with the idea of a woman deciding not to be a biological mother that they try to subtly shame me. It’s the same shade I get for not having “taken my husband’s name” like property, passed from one man to the next. This isn’t a lighthearted thing. What you say and do says more and does more than you even expect.
Feminism doesn’t work when it’s half-hearted.
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